I don’t know where to start from. But first let me begin by thanking you for this platform. It has given me the courage to speak out and I hope I’ll get some advice.
My story is quite a long one. Let me try shorten it because I doubt if I’ll be able to finish today.
I am a 3rd year student at one of the renown public universities in Kenya. 22 years of age . That would be enough for my identity.
Anyways, life has never been just that fair to me however much I try to fit in. My pillow can tell of the many moments I have broken down with lost hope.
I have experienced the worst kind of pain and heartbreak from those I trusted the most.
Being the bread winner and the watchdog to my family hasn’t been an easy task with all the pain. My studies haven’t been of desirable standards either.
I know for a fact that all of us weren’t born cute. Or rather not all of us bear the captivating, glittering and shiny looks that most men desire. But it pains me whenever someone decides to make personal jokes and mockery of my body.
It has destroyed my self esteem tremendously. My concentration even in class at times flops the moment those thoughts linger through my mind.
My closest trustees including family members and closest friends have physically abused me. The number of scars in my body are uncountable. It’s never been easy looking myself in the mirror.
Suicidal thoughts have crossed through my mind oftenly since being sexually assaulted by someone I trusted the most. Fighting the urge weighs me down. Do I even deserve more of this unpromising situation?
My heart is just so clouded with anger. My trust to people broken; especially men. I don’t even know who to rely on anymore. I have lost focus in life.Developed a cold feet to even doing what I loved most.
My bitterness to the male species has multipled. I now see men as liars, braggers and just so many other bad things.
I know life doesn’t give us the same kind of experiences but mine is just hazardous. I don’t deserve this. Not anymore. I have experienced enough.
Am dying inside. I’d really appreciate any advice to help me get over all this. Thank you